Saturday, March 15th

Remember when Matthew McConaughey gave that speech at the Academy for best actor and he kept talking about the fact that he is his own hero? I don't think I'll ever get over that. (Maybe thats what KILL YOUR HEROS means?) The third book where it says "I suppose a fire that burns that bright is not meant to last" OH THAT WILL GET ME EVERY SINGLE TIME. Oh and I can't wait for everything because it is all. coming. up. Do I want fog or light sage? My mother accidentally ordered a pizza with no cheese on it last night so you really can't win every time, can you?  I wish, sometimes desperately, to have some of your talents. There is just something about him that people don't get over and I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS. Too bad you can't bottle personality like you can bottle perfume. My dad was in a strange mood yesterday and I wish he could have told me why but that just isn't like us. Most of the time I feel bad for him because She is crazy. I didn't yesterday, though. Mostly I'm thinking about You and I'm thinking A  LOT about senior prom and how do people make it into their thirties because that is so. far. away. and how do you have kids and grow old and do people ACTUALLY LOVE EACH OTHER WHEN THEY AREN'T BEAUTIFUL ANYMORE? But I also figure there has to be a boy somewhere who also has a clinical ability to lose things just like I do and probably we'll have the same sense of humor. Maybe he'll go to  Coachella with me, too. Maybe he has it all figured out. But if we're the same person I know he doesn't. One time in church we went around the room and everyone had to say what they wanted to be when they grew up and the second person to go said they wanted to be a nurse for alzheimer and dementia patients and at first I was mad because she is a junior and has an idea of what she wants but then I thought WHO WOULD WANT THAT JOB. I also heard someone in the same class say they wanted to go to BYU's Med school and that was equally sad and hilarious. Maybe I'm just rude. Sorry. My cousin is in second grade. I saw her math homework and the way they grade stuff now is if you can explain how you got your answer; you're right.

I hate it.

XX
Rothko