Thought you should know;

When I was younger I told everyone that I was half Irish and half human. 

So

XX 

R

CONCRETE Jungle (of things that have my heart.)

• Carmines (44th and 200)
• The boy with the hair the color of honey 
• Brown sugar
• Real mail & ugly stamps
• Waffles and Dinges (travels)
• 347 Madison Ave.
• Peppermint Chapstick
• Blue pens
• The second floor of the MoMA (53rd and 11)
• (Yellow Diamond) Versace
• Geodes 
• 757 5th Ave. 
• The smell of coffee
• Moleskin notebooks
• Urbanear headphones
• Camp socks
• 66 5th Ave.
• Tony Caputos 

XX

R

Faults.

We clashed. 

I'm very stubborn. 

I think about how much more important this is than highschool and his memory turns into a living picture of those years; lived minute by minute, a hundred years ago. 

He screwed me up, sort of. 

And I guess that made me into the type that alludes a self-possessed indifference to the wild part of me that is almost cruel; But deep inside I can still feel the pressure building like a volcano waiting to erupt from the center of my soul. 

You can search high and low and I still think that the two quietest places in the whole world were when he kissed my nose and the several closely related movements we made together. 

I sort of resent that. 

XX

Rothko 

No. 10; things that explain me.

  

 

 

XX
Rothko

THE BIG EMOTIONS: Tragedy, Ecstasy, Doom.

XX

Rothko

I don't even know.

It's just that people can do all this stuff and fall in love and get the shampoo out on the first try and know all the tricks on Photoshop and get stuff for free and have a savings account and they're parents just also give them stuff for free and they're all yelling "Oh you forgot to clock into work the other day!" And they all own Instax cameras and you feel like you're growing irrelevant and it's scary. AM I IRRELEVANT? And I don't know what I'm doing with anything and I haven't gotten into college yet and twice this week people have complimented me on my skin, which is nice but it's just a weird compliment. And I want to write about you but I can't for so many reasons and I'm in love but I'm also not. Also today started with the thought "THIS IS SUCH A STUPID THING TO BE MAD ABOUT" & I think I spend the majority of my time trying not to be like my mother. My dad and I talked about it in the car today; how this is nothing how a marriage should be. It was a sucky conversation, to say the least. IDK why this is even on here because people don't like sad things. Well. I do have this candle that smells like cotton candy and it's really great. It's too bad I can't just walk around with it and have people smell it and then we would become instant BFFS. (It smells really good.) I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW I JUST KNOW I AM NOT PARTICULARLY HAPPY OR SAD AND THERE ARE LOTS OF THINGS THAT I CAN'T CONTROL. (But it isn't about control?) I don't know. I don't know a lot of things. I don't even know what this post is. 

rrrrrrrrrrrrrbye. 

XX

Rothko

STILL BLOGGING ABOUT HIM & LOVE BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP.

He is iridescent. 

I loved him, no doubt. 

But time and distance have a way of changing everything;

And even still, everything about him draws me in- his half smile and the crinkle in his nose. The way he smells and buttons his shirts. 

His laughter is all-consuming. Every bit of him; his words and the placement of his commas. 

XO

Rothko